The conflicts in life are an opportunity

We all have experienced pain and uncomfortable emotions as the result of conflict with others. Those email discussions with a family member that turn argumentative. A heated exchange with a co-worker, friend or an acquaintance. Those inevitable debates at a family get together or with who-knows-who at a social event. And then there are those Social Media threads where you share your opinion and BANG the trolls come out to cause discord or someone with an opposing opinion attacks you because you dare to think differently from them. 

Events like this can cause us to feel uneasy, angry, sad, or powerless. There is probably physical pain. Our mind is ablaze with thoughts that scurry about with visions of reenacted scenes where we say the right thing and everything turns out right or we construct an array of pithy replies for that Social Media post. Our mind loops with imaginary conversations and scenes that are in fact an effort to redo the past or prevail in the future. The urge to act is great as our mind works to find ways to rid ourselves of uncomfortable feelings, to relieve our suffering; to do something!

Our thoughts guide us to embark on a course of action. Maybe the answer is to delete my social media account or only talk about safe subjects. Maybe it is to stop talking to my siblings, other family members, my friend or my co-worker. Or maybe this job is wrong for me and I should quit. Maybe I need to stay away from "those" people whose ideas I disagree with. Maybe I should move to another place and start over.  And in some people, perhaps their mind urges them to harm or be destructive to others or commit violence as a path to relief.

Sometimes the wise thing IS to do some of these things; never to harm another or commit violence of course.  

But is it wisdom to sever relationships, to leave a job or one’s location, or is it a reaction in an effort to relieve pain?

On the other hand perhaps we can do something completely different; we can stop and use these events as a precious opportunity, a challenge, a gift to practice.

Practice?  Practice what?

Dzogchen. You can do a web search to learn more about Dzogchen. There are many good books on the subject. The best way is to find a qualified teacher to guide one on this path.

My simple explanation of Dzogchen practice is that one is striving to experience the nature of mind itself, not be run by the energy of the mind. 

The ancient adepts speak of the nature of mind as an ocean and thoughts and emotions, energy, are the waves, rising out of and settling back into the ocean. Some use the image of the sky as the true nature of mind and thoughts and emotions are the clouds. No matter how many clouds, the sky is always there. Also the image of a mirror is used, describing thoughts and emotions as reflections.

It is not necessary to be sitting in meditation when practicing Dzogchen. Indeed you strive to maintain awareness at all times in the midst of all your activities and interactions.  Or you can remove yourself to a quiet place.

My experience when I have had conflict with others is a very visceral acute tension and pain in the solar plexus. No mystery here,the solar plexus chakra is said to correspond with the feelings of anxiety, fear, personal power, opinion formation, and spiritual growth.

So when an intense event occurs in my life, energy, as in emotions and garlands of thoughts, arise. I am embroiled in all of this energy. To employ the practice I remind myself that this is simply energy and the thoughts are riding on this energy. The thoughts are insubstantial, my mind grasping at them and making them solid and important is what is producing my discomfort. 

I strive to step back and become more of an observer, like a scientist watching what is happening in my being as though I were looking through a microscope or like watching animal behavior in a meadow below me as I stand on a hilltop, the rams rear and clash horns below as I study them.

It sounds so easy, but it is definitely not, one must work at it. To the grasping mind thoughts and emotions are compelling forces. As a beginner, mind is attempting to deal with the mind. It seems futile, but you must start where you are and eventually something else will arise within you. You will notice something you never realized is there.

At some point I will notice that the thoughts settle, then arise again. The pain may remain constant or rise and fall. I begin to observe that when the pain rises, which type of thoughts arise. When the pain subsides, which kind of thoughts arise. I am not trying to control the thoughts or change the thoughts; I am simply observing what is going on. I will find a place where there is a gap, like all the waves just settled into a calm sea. Then a wave will arise, thoughts and emotion, energy. Then it will fall back, calm, into a base, a ground, a sea.

I may play with it a bit, not to strive for control but to understand more how my mind works. Like when I observe a chain or loop of thoughts that have related to it a strong emotional energy, I try to hold it or repeat it over and over. The mind, the mental process, soon loses interest, it wishes to move on to other subjects of thought.

The mind likes to move, to try to hold a thought or stop a thought is impossible. Movement is the function of the mind. Thoughts arise and more thoughts arise, thoughts loop, repeating the same subject over and over, and spin off, skipping from subject to subject.

One very funny thing I have done is when in the heat of turmoil or loops I bring in the thought: Pink elephant running through green forest. Wow, the mind flips to this scene. Now I bring the thought: School of colorful fish swimming in the sky. These are thoughts but these thoughts create images that break the loops and chatter for a moment and this is instructive as to how easily led the mind is; how insubstantial thoughts are.

I can also use this method to lead the mind to a positive thought; like maybe that person who I had a conflict with is troubled in someway and I wish them the best. I want them to be free of suffering as I wish to be free.

I use my breath as a tether. I notice what my breathing is like. I am often amazed to find that I am holding my breath at times and at times my breath is shallow. If I am agitated my breath is shallow and rapid.

In breathing meditation I hold my attention on my breath, when thoughts arise I ignore them and return my concentration on my breath. My breathing becomes slow and deep going all the way down to the belly; in and out, it slows and deepens. And guess what?  I become calm and present. 

This breathing, deep and present, can also be employed when emotional and mental energy is strong to calm and bring oneself into the present moment.

The main thing is that you want to free yourself from being blown like a leaf on the wind of energy; you do not have to be run by your thoughts, they are just thoughts.

The spiritual technology handed down to us from the masters, reaching back to millennia, work. If you continue to practice, using what life places in your path, you will see glimpses of another aspect of your being. It may be only for a second, but that event will be profound for you.

But then... thoughts will rise again.  Energy, emotions, will rise again. The practice is ever present.